A thousand miles
by Morderetfan4life
Summary: Yet another songfic set after the season 4 finale, and this isn't going to be my last either. From the POV of Margaret. She's been feeling guilty about leaving Mordecai behind and regrets her decision each and every day. T for mild violence and mild language. Includes lyrics to the song a thousand miles by Vanessa Carlton.


**Yes this is another Morderet songfic and yes it's set after steak me Amadeus. This songfic, however, will be told from the POV of Margaret instead of Mordecai. She's been missing Mordecai a lot since she's been at Milten and she feels she made the biggest mistake of her life when she left him. She misses him more and more each day and regrets her mistake more each day that goes by. After listening to the song a thousand miles by Vanessa Carlton, Margaret decides she needs to go back home and be with Mordecai.**

I've been at Milten now for seven weeks, and things haven't been easy. I've always wanted to go to school here, but back home I left somebody behind who I'm just not happy without and who I regret leaving behind more and more as each day goes on. That person is Mordecai. He's my best friend inthe entire world and one night he finally gathered up the courage to ask me out. Unfrotnately, I had to say no to him because of getting accepted here. Okay, well, I guess I could've said yes to him, and sue we'd be in a long distance relationship which can be difficult especially if you love the person as much as Mordecai and I love each other, but things wouldn't be as hard as they are now because I wouldn't feel guilty as I do now if I'd said yes to him that night. I really wanted to say yes to him, I truly and honestly did, and my heart was even telling me to say yes to him, whereas my head was telling me that if I'd said yes things would be difficult and we'd probably end up breaking up due to the long distance relationship being so hard, anyways, so it was better off to just say no to him right then and there, but to do it in the nicest or gentilest way possible. If only I'd listened to my heart instead of my head that night. Here I'll explain how things went between Mordecai and I that night.

**Flashback**

Mordecai and I were at a restuarant called steak me Amadeus and there you could pay for your meal using copuns called Amadeus dollars. Well, apparently, this group of robots called the Capicola gang had printed 10,000 counterfiet Amadeus dollars. There was a lot of chaos and commotion going on as a shootout was happening at the restuarant between the feds and the Capicola gang.

I saw a table and said to Mordecai "Come on."

We crawled under the table alone so we could talk in private.

Mordecai said to me "I feel like we're getting closer every day, and nobody makes me happier than you do. Margaret," he took my hands and asked me in a very sincere and loving voice "Will you be my girlfriend?"

I was happy for a brief second, but then I remembered something I needed to tell Mordecai, and I felt sad about what I was about to do, and regretful because I knew it was going to break Mordecais' heart which I did not want to do because I love him very much. Things were going to change for the worse, and I guess at that point, there was nothing that could've been done to avoid what was going to happen.

I sighed with sadness and regret and said with those exact same feelings "Mordecai, there's something I need to tell you. For the first time in my life I feel like I could be in a real relationship that could actually go somewhere, but there's this," I looked away from Mordecai as I held up my acceptance to Milten, the University I'm currently at, feeling ashamed for what I had done because I knew it was going to tear us apart from each other, as well as sad because as much as I wanted to go here I wanted to be Mordecais' girlfriend just as badly if not even more. I tried to be brave and fight back tears as I said "I got into my dream school. I really like you, Mordecai, and what we have is special, but I may never get this oppourtunity again," after that, it was impossible for me not to cry because what I said next, I really felt devastated and ashamed about saying because Mordecai had liked me for so long, and now he finally gets up the courage to ask me out, but after finding out about my acceptance here, I couldn't see any other option or alternative for what I was about to say. I cried as I said to Mordecai, feeling ashamed and devatstaed "I'm sorry, but I can't be your girlfriend." after that, the pain had gotten to be too much for me to take. I let out a soft sob and then ran out of the resuarant in tears as I covered my eyes, trying hard not to let anyone see.

**This next part wasn't in the episode, but here's what I think would've happened afterwards**

I ran outside and got into my car and slammed the door behind me as I tried to pull myself together before driving home. My heart felt like it had popped like a balloon and was in a million peices. I felt many feelings about what I had just done. Mostly regret, anger, devastation, and worry. I regretted my decision to leave, was angry at myself for deciding to leave and also angry that there was no way for me to reverse what I had done in order to stay, devastation because I was going to have to leave the love of my life as well as the only guy I'd ever loved behind, and worry because I knew Mordecai was going to be just as devastated as I was if not more. I finally realized there was no way for me to calm down, so I just drove back to my apartment with all these emotions swirling inside of me like a tornado. I knew it was going to be difficult for Mordecai to deal with the fact I was leaving him behind.

**On the way to the airport**

When Mordecai drove me to the airport things were quiet except for crying which was coming from both us although Mordecai was crying a lot louder than I was.

I said to him, for about the tenth time that night "I'm so sorry, Mordecai."

He'd always say to me "You're doing this so you can go into work that you love doing, I understand, sometimes I'd felt like doing the same thing and thought about going back to art school."

I said to him "Although if you did, you'd probably miss everybody so much and you'd be miserable. I know that's how I'm going to feel."

He said to me "It's understandable that you feel this way."

I asked ashamed and guilty for what I'd done "Is it also understandable that I hate myself for doing this?"

He took my hand and said "Yes that is as well, but you shouldn't hate yourself for doing this."

We talked for the rest of the ride to the airport about staying in contact, possibly flying to see each other during vacation, and being there for each other when one of us was upset, which was gonig to be all the time pretty much.

**At the airport**

Mordecai and I arrived about 20 minutes early so we talked some more as I got my thing all ready to go.

I said "Well, this is it, I guess, I'm going to be leaving soon so this is the last moment we'll have together for a long time."

Mordecai said "This all just seems so unreal and as much as I want to believe this is all just a horrible nightmare," he choked back more tears as he said "This is actually happening."

I was just so devstated and ashamed for doing this to Mordecai I didn't really want to look at him, but at the same time, I knew if I didn't look at him I wouldn't be able to see his face for a long time.

I said yet again "I'm truly and honestly sorry for doing this, Mordecai, and if I could go back in time and change this, you know I'd do that in a heartbeat."

Just then over the intercom I heard that my flight was about to depart.

I said "I know one thing I don't want to leave without."

Mordecai held out his arms and said "I could really use a hug right now."

I said "Okay two things. One last big hug and one last amazing kiss."

Mordecai walked over to me and began stroking my feathers and I did the same to him as we closed our eyes which were still flowing with tears and we kissed as passionately as we could. After that we wrapped our arms around each other and held each other as tight as we possibly could without hurting one another as we continued crying.

I said "It seems like the world's ending."

Mordecai said "I know my world won't be the same without you."

I said "Mine won't either. I wish it wasn't that time yet, but unfortnately I have to go now."

Mordecai started to say "Goodb..."

I stopped him and said "No, please don't say it. As much as we should because we won't see each other again for a long time, it's just too painful to say or to hear. This is already so difficult and heartwrenching enough, don't make it harder or more heartwrenching, if such a thing is even possible."

He just stood back and let me get onto my plane. As I was boarding, I looked back at Mordecai who was waving at me. I waved back to him with one hand and held up the love sign with my other. He held up the love sign back at me and I could see him mouthing the words "Forever and always." I got onto my plane after that and sat in my seat which was in the very back of the plane and it was a window seat. I looked out the window just as the plane was taking off. I covered my eyes in my hands and cried as softly as I could trying my best not to disturb the other passengers. It was really happening and I was leaving Mordecai behind all for college. Honestly, Mordecai's WAY more important to me than this. If only I'd realized that sooner because now it's too late for me to right this wrong that I did and it was something I was just going to live with. Honestly, I didn't feel sorry for myself one bit. I was leaving the love of my life behind after he finally gives me all his heart and soul and I took his heart and stomped on it. If you think I'm being too hard on myself, you're dead wrong, this was just stupid and utterly selfish of me to do this.

**Flashback ends**

I burst into tears and collapsed onto my bed as I sobbed and shouted at the top of my lungs in devastation, anger, regret, and just shear pain. It was all too painful to think about that night, which I haven't been able to stop doing since I'd came to this ridiculous school. Yeah, at the time I'd gotten accepted here it was my dream school, but now it felt more like a prision that I wouldn't break free from for a long time. Escape is an option, but I'd most likely get caught, and then I'd be in so much trouble and my whole future would be ruined. WAIT A MINUTE, WHAT THE HELL AM I SAYING!? I DON'T CARE ABOUT MY FUTURE BEING IN JEPORADY, NOT EVEN CLOSE! I ONLY CARE ABOUT GETTING HOME TO MORDECAI AND BEING WITH HIM AND NEVER LETTING GO OF HIM EVER AGAIN! (Sigh) but I'm stuck in this goddamn hellhole and am going to be for who knows how long. This is just a bunch of bullcrap and I'm so pissed at myself for doing this. **(I didn't want to put too strong of language, because I've written WAY too many M rated stories for this show, so I really want to try and keep it a T level)**

Just then I heard my friend and roommate CJ playing her Vanessa Carlton CD outside in the living room of our dorm. I was hoping it was a certain CD because I'd heard a song by Vanessa Carlton before titled a thousand miles and I just knew that song would be my way of getting my pain into the open. I went out of th room CJ and i share and looked at the CD and saw a thousand miles on the back of it. CJ knew how much this song meant to me at that point so she put it on for me. I took a deep breath, tried my best to calm down, and then when I felt I was ready enough I pressed play and began singing along with the song.

**A thousand miles**

Making my way downtown walking fast faces pass and I'm home bound staring blankly ahead just making my way making a way through the crowd and I need you and I miss you and now I wonder

If I could fall into the sky do you think time would pass me by? 'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you tonight

It's always time like these when I think of you and I wonder if you ever think of me 'cause everything's so wrong and I don't belong living in your precious memory 'cause I need you and I miss you and now I wonder

If I could fall into the sky do you think time would pass me by? 'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you tonight

And I, I don't want to let you know I, I drown in your memory I, I don't want to let this go I, I don't

Making my way downtown walking fast faces pass and I'm home bound staring blankly ahead just making my way making a way through the crowd and I still need you and I still miss you and now I wonder

If I could fall into the sky do you think time would pass us by? 'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you if I could fall into the sky do you think time would pass me by? 'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you if I could just hold you tonight

**End of a thousand miles**

As the song ended I stopped the CD and sat down on the couch. CJ walked over beside me and put her hand on my shoulder.

She sat down next to me and I hugged her and layed my head on her shoulder just wanting comfort from a friend, and she was really the only friend at Milten that I had since she and I are roommates and talk all the time. I won't talk to anybody else but her because I'm just too devstated and heartbroken about leaving Mordecai behind.

I started to cry and said "I miss Mordecai so much and the pain only gets worse and worse each day that I'm not with him."

CJ said "The go home to him. I promise I won't tell anyone you've left, and honestly I doubt anyone would even ask. The teachers all know how you're feeling, and I'm the only student on campus you're willing to talk to. You don't belong here, Margaret, and you know it. You know where you belong. You know in your heart the only way for you to be truly happy is to be back home with Mordecai. I know that your suitcases are already packed up, so just go like right now. Go home and don't ever look back."

I stopped crying finally and said "You're right as always CJ. You're so smart and thoughtful. I'm lucky to call you my friend, and actually you're much more than that, you're like my sister and I love you as a sister and I'll always be thankful for the fact that I know you."

CJ said to me "You're a great friend as well and I totally agree I love you as if you were my sister which you technically are since we've been living to gether for seven weeks."

I said "Okay, I can't stay here another minute. I'm gonig to get my things and call a cab to take me to the airport so I can finally get back home."

**At the park**

I pulled in and I could hear Mordecai in his room crying loudly. I went up to the porch and knocked on the door loud enough so Mordecai would hear. I heard footsteps running towards the door and it was Mordecai who stood there frozen in shock, happiness, and possibly confusion.

I took his hands and said "You're not just dreaming or imagining this. I'm actually back home."

Mordecai was unfrozen after hearing this and he threw his arms around me and hugged me as tight as he possibly could crying happily.

He shouted "OH MY GOD I MISSED YOU SO MUCH! I DON'T THINK I COULD'VE TAKEN ANOTHER DAY! THIS HAS JUST BEEN KILLING ME INSIDE!"

I looked deep into his eyes and wiped the tears away as his happy crying turned into laughter. He held my shoulders and pulled me so close to him as he kissed my lips with so much passion and love each and every second of the kiss which lasted a whole minute.

I said "Wow, I had no idea anybody could kiss somebody for that long."

Mordecai said "Well, I just missed you so much, and the thing I missed the most was the way we kissed each other."

i said "That's what I missed the most, as well."

We kissed again and I walked into the house closing the door behind me as Mordecai and I walked over to the couch together still kissing. As the kiss stopped we were both breathing heavily. I sighed lovingly and layed my head on Mordecais' chest as he stroked my feathers.

We both said in unsion "I love you and I don't ever want to be apart from you again."

**Margaret finally makes the decision to go back home and now she and Mordecai are happily together once more.**


End file.
